Frequently Asked Questions

Divorce is multifaceted. So are the questions women ask.

Below, you’ll find answers organized by phase of the divorce process.

Feel free to read them all or scroll to the phase that best fits where you are today.

Phase One: The Inner Conflict

(When you're questioning whether to stay or leave.)

Question 1: How do I know if my marriage is over?

The signs that point to a troubled marriage include: cycles of arguments and indecision, loss of intimacy, and feeling disconnected. While many causes lead to a breakup, most are directly related to how a couple handles conflict.

The Peaceful Pathways Assessment is a quick way for you to learn about how you and your spouse handle conflict. Click here to learn more and take the assessment.

Question 2: How will coaching help me decide whether to stay or leave?

Coaching provides structure around your thinking.

We start by understanding what creates conflict in your marriage. Next, we explore whether the solution means healing your relationship or finding closure as you prepare to move forward into a new chapter. Together, we work through the challenges and break things down into manageable pieces. This process empowers you to make decisions with clarity and confidence. I'll support you, provide guidance, tools, and a steady presence as you move toward peace of mind and a life you feel good about.

Question 3: Can coaching help if I want to stay in my marriage?

Yes, it can help. Divorce coaching can give you and/or your spouse the tools to slow down and truly hear each other again. By learning new ways to communicate, set healthy boundaries, and handle conflict with care, many couples discover that what felt like the end can actually become a new beginning together.

Question 4: Is divorce coaching appropriate for victims of abuse?

If you are in danger, your safety comes first. Coaching supports clarity and preparation, but it is not a substitute for legal protection, domestic violence advocacy, or specialized therapy.

I work in tandem with therapists trained in Domestic & Intimate Partner Violence, and legal support when there is a history of domestic violence, diagnosed mental illness, and active addiction.

Question 5: Am I overreacting?

Emotions surface whenever you think about a significant life change. Divorce coaching specifically focuses on emotional management so you can evaluate your situation more objectively and make the best decisions possible.

Phase Two: Thoughtful Preparation

(When you're preparing privately or beginning the process)

Question 1: What is divorce coaching?

The American Bar Association defines Divorce Coaching as a flexible, goal-oriented process that supports, motivates, and guides individuals during a divorce to make informed decisions for their future.

The ADR Divorce coaching process helps individuals gain increased competence and confidence to manage and engage in the divorce process. It is goal-oriented and future-focused, helping the client to achieve greater clarity, make decisions, and create their own solutions.

Question 2: How does divorce coaching differ from therapy?

Divorce Coaching is a structured and pragmatic process that helps you prepare for legal divorce and a new life. Our work together is focused on your future, goals, outcomes, communications, and practical actions needed for the business of divorce.

While I will help you manage your emotions and develop new communication skills, I am not licensed to diagnose or manage mental health issues. A therapist is licensed to treat and diagnose deep-seated issues, trauma, etc.

More than 95% of my clients are in therapy. Our skills complement each other.

Question 3: I have an attorney why would I need a divorce coach?

Your attorney provides legal advice and representation. Most of us are unaware of what attorneys need from their clients to be successful in their roles. Divorce Coaching focuses on emotional management, preparation, and communications so that you and your attorney can work together effectively. You'll be prepared for meetings, ask questions clearly, and have reasonable expectations regarding outcomes.

Question 4: I'm worried about money, how exactly can a divorce coach help me?

By focusing on emotional management, preparation, strategic planning, and a clear vision for your future, you will be prepared for your attorney, avoid costly mistakes, reduce conflict, and save money.

Question 5: How can you help me decide which legal process is right for me?

I don't provide legal advice. I can help you understand the practical and emotional implications of various legal options (litigation, mediation, collaborative divorce) so you can have informed discussions with your attorney.

Question 6: Will you help me write my parenting plan?

Parenting plans are drafted by attorneys or mediators authorized to do so. I will help you clarify your priorities and prepare thoughtfully for those discussions before a plan is written.

Question 7: What does "neutral" mean in coaching

Neutral means I am not aligned with your spouse, your attorney, or any specific legal outcome. My role is to support your clarity and long-term well-being — not escalate conflict or push an agenda.

Question 8: What is a sounding board?

A sounding board is a steady, confidential space to test ideas, explore concerns, and reality-check decisions before acting on them.

Phase Three: Managing the Legal Process

(When negotiations and legal steps are underway.)

Question 1: How do you work with my attorney?

With your permission, I can coordinate with your attorney to ensure clarity about your goals and preparation. I do not replace legal counsel, nor do I provide legal advice. I help you become more organized for the process and an effective client.

Question 2: How does coaching help me with anger and grief?

Big emotions are normal. Throughout our coaching, we'll explore, work, and mine them for growth. In this phase of the divorce, our goal is to manage emotions so that you're clear-headed when making decisions and an effective communicator when negotiating.

Question 3: What if my spouse is high-conflict?

When your spouse is high-conflict, our work will focus on emotional management, knowledge of the process, and de-escalation communication skills. In high-conflict situations, preparation is even more important.

Question 4: Do I practice law?

No. I don't provide legal advice, draft legal documents, or represent clients in court. I adhere strictly to professional boundaries to avoid unauthorized practice of law. (For more information, see question three in Phase Two.)

Question 5: How do I work with financial professionals?

If you're working with, or considering working with, financial advisors, I'll help you prepare questions, understand information presented, and integrate financial realities into your decision-making.

Question 6: Do I act as your therapist?

No. Coaching is different from therapy. I do not diagnose or treat mental health conditions. I will address emotions as they impact decisions. If therapeutic support would benefit you, I may recommend working with a licensed therapist in addition to coaching. (See question 2 in Phase Two for more information.)

Phase Four: The New Normal

(After the divorce is final)

Question 1: Can coaching help me after my divorce is final?

Divorce is disorienting for many. Women seek support to redefine, clarify their identity, and plan for the long-term. Additionally, many look for guidance on making new friends, dating, feeling confident about finances, and co-parenting adult children.

Question 2: I feel relief and grief at the same time. Is that normal?

It's normal to have mixed emotions post-divorce. Coaching helps you integrate these feelings while focusing on forward momentum.

Question 3: I don't know who I am anymore. Can you help?

This question warrants space and thoughtful reflection so you can define your next chapter. Using a structured and creative process, you'll emerge.

General Questions

Question 1: I have friends that have been divorced, why do I need a coach?

Coaching offers structure, neutrality, and expertise grounded in education and standards. The relationship has built in protections for your benefit. Friends are empathetic and because they are emotionally invested in your outcomes are not neutral.

Question 2: I'm worried about money. Can I afford this?

Divorce decisions involve significant financial considerations. Your preparation and clarity reduce long-term expenses. We can discuss your concerns and priorities during our consultation.

Question 3: How long do clients typically work with me?

That depends on your need and which phase you're in when we meet. Some clients seek short-term decision support, and others prefer an ongoing partnership throughout the multiple phases of divorce.

Question 4: Is coaching confidential?

Our relationship and conversations are confidential, as detailed in the ethical standards of DCA ADR Coaching and ICF Coaching.

Question 5: How do I know coaching is right for me?

If you value thoughtful decision-making, want to reduce unnecessary conflict, want to change, and are willing to take responsibility for your choices, coaching may be an excellent fit.